I am a writer, I write words...

randomness from the internet as seen by me

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay
“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”
"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”
"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”
"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”
"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course: "The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

"Arthur Dent was grappling with his conciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath." 
This is what waking up too early feels like. Also, I feel it accurately describes how my wife wakes up.

drinkmasturbatecry:

nudityandnerdery:

the-fandoms-are-valentines:

grandtheftautosanandreas:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

"Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

"He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

"It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

"If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course:

"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t."

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

"Arthur Dent was grappling with his conciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath." 

This is what waking up too early feels like. Also, I feel it accurately describes how my wife wakes up.

(Source: kimkangaskhan, via nyxe)

laughhard:

The only acceptable paint job for a smart car

hahahahahaha. Ok. NOW I want a smart car. And I wanna drive that thing on the freeway. and I’d need some help programming the horn to be a sound effect of me shouting BEEP BEEP.

laughhard:

The only acceptable paint job for a smart car

hahahahahaha. Ok. NOW I want a smart car. And I wanna drive that thing on the freeway. and I’d need some help programming the horn to be a sound effect of me shouting BEEP BEEP.

(via camwyn)

soshhy:

tygermama:

okay so ridic thing someone should write for me

  • Tony hate hate hates magic, right?
  • it makes no sense it’s not science it doesn’t work but it does work…
  • WHY THE FUCK DOES IT WORK?!?!?!
  • Tony does ‘magic’ research on the side because he firmly believes that any sufficently advanced tech is indistinguishable from magic and that means
  • MAGIC IS TECH
  • TONY IS KING OF TECH
  • TONY WILL HACK MAGIC OR DIE TRYING
  • in the course of his research Tony buys something that is claimed to be a dragon’s egg
  • Tony thinks it’s neat, makes some Mogwai jokes, sticks it under a heat lamp, expecting a lizard to come out
  • Thor sees a pic of Tony’s lab
  • recognizes the egg as an actual dragon egg
  • AND PROMPTLY FREAKS THE FUCK OUT
  • BECAUSE THIS SPECIES OF DRAGON
  • (of course there are more than one species of dragon, I pity your ignorance earthling, get thee to a library)
  • IMPRINTS ON THE FIRST PERSON IT SEES AND IT’S NOT JUST ‘THAT’S MY MAMA’
  • THEIR PERSONALITY, MORALITY, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT IS BASED ON THAT FIRST IMPRESSION
  • Thor may not be the brightest blade to grace the universe but he is really, really not stupid and thinks a dragon based on Tony Stark is a BAD IDEA
  • so he flies over to the Tower in a panic
  • only to find that it’s all right
  • it’s okay
  • the dragon’s hatched
  • and the first person it ever saw was Pepper

I made an actual out-loud whimper of joy at that last line.

YES. GIMME THIS STORY. GIMMIE DRAGON PEPPER

fluffmugger:

ryttu3k:

shirilee:

keeperofthehens:

love-lust-rockyhorror:

listoflifehacks:


If you like this list of life hacks, follow ListOfLifeHacks for more like it!

I love how this post is like “Oh, clean up some of the nastiest, hard to clean shit with coke!” but doesn’t mention “Hey, you actually ingest this stuff that can clean CORRODED CAR BATTERIES.”

Uhg.

Heyyy this is because when you put carbon dioxide to make the carbonated water, you get carbonic acid. Carbonic acid varies in how much the pH is, especially in the different coke products. Strong enough to dissolve rust but not steel or any of the metals mentioned here.

But here’s the thing, carbonic acid is not one of the 6 strong acids. You know what is one of those? Hydrocholric acid. You know where you naturally secrete hydrocholric acid? Your stomach. Hydrochloric acid is some nasty stuff and WILL eat away at a screw if allowed to soak long enough. If you ever got just drop of a diluted solution on your skin in chem lab, then you can see where that would happen very easily.

The stronger acid wins. Your tummy is fine when you drink coke. Your tummy makes acid strong enough to fuck that corroded battery up. It can handle a can of coke. Please don’t swallow a screw or something to test this tho, please.

thank you science side of tumblr <3

Seriously. You could probably do all of these with lemon juice (citric acid) or vinegar (ethanoic, or acetic, acid) just because acids work in pretty similar ways. Actually, when you see people recommending vinegar as a household cleaner? This is what it’s doing!

Also, as someone who has accidentally inhaled hydrochloric acid fumes, TRUST ME, THE CARBONIC ACID IS MUCH BETTER.

Every time I see a hysterical post on modern food I just kinda point and laugh

Because dude. Dude.  You know what you breathe in and out every fucking second to survive? Oxygen. An incredibly corrosive gas that is probably responsible for more deaths across the history of the planet than anything else. Not only that, it’s a biproduct of photosynthesis. You literally rely on plant excretions to survive

Do you know what most of your body is made up of? Water. Which, given enough time, will destroy anything.

That morning coffee you like? Well shit, caffeine - lifeblood to many - is actually an incredibly potent nerve toxin (If you’re an insect). Plants actually produce that shit as an insecticide.

That refreshing zing from citrus?  Acid.  That juicy smack of a tomato? Acid and cadmium.  That tart in an apple? Arsenic.  That seasoning you put all over your fish and chips? Acid strong enough to destroy seashells - life that has evolved to survive living in a salt-drenched sea.

Stop being a tit and drink your damned coke.

SCIENCE!

(via fuckingconversations)

ask-koki-kariya:

Link no.

I laughed for about 5 mins. this is EXACTLY how I play any game. 

ask-koki-kariya:

Link no.

I laughed for about 5 mins. this is EXACTLY how I play any game. 

(Source: cosplay-gamers, via nyxe)

Here’s a basic rule: if you’re reading or watching a Shakespeare play, and you’re not imagining the actors standing in front of a mosh pit of jeering Londoners waiting to throw vegetables at the stage, you’re doing it wrong.

Shakespeare might have written the best works in the English language, or given us profound insight into the nature of humanity, or whatever — but his works wouldn’t have survived to our day if he hadn’t been popular when he was alive, and he wouldn’t have been popular when he was alive if he hadn’t been able to please the crowd. And that includes a lot of dirty jokes. A lot.

Sometimes in incredibly inappropriate places. We’re here to rescue a few of those for you, and retroactively embarrass the heck out of your fourteen-year-old self, who had to stand up in English class and read things that, in retrospect, are absolutely filthy.

This isn’t about the stuff that always does crack fourteen-year-olds up in English class, but is totally innocent: the “bring me my long sword, ho!” sort of thing.

But the kids who lose it every time the word “ho” is uttered are closer to the spirit of Shakespeare than the teacher who demands they treat the words like museum pieces.

Sure, it would be awkward for teachers to explain the Elizabethan double entendres to their students — but pretending they don’t exist makes Shakespeare seem unnecessarily stuffy and difficult.

So we’re going to start with the most obvious innuendoes, and move on to some seriously advanced sex punnery that is probably going to blow your mind.

—   

Reading Shakespeare without the sex jokes is the real tragedy. (via newsweek)

one of my favourite things about stagings at The Globe is that they leave the filthy jokes and jokes at inappropriate moments in so you’re constantly being thrown back and forth between bloody murder and hysterics.

(via saxifraga-x-urbium)

I actually read Midsummer Night’s Dream with my Advanced 6th graders last year, totally uncut. And I didn’t explain ALL of the jokes to them…but I did explain some.

And let me tell you, watching those kids stammer and blush through all of “Bottom has an Ass Head” jokes was god damn priceless. 

(via carry-on-my-wayward-butt)

I’ve always been confused as to why people didn’t like Shakespeare, but now i’m hearing that people get taught it WITHOUT THE JOKES???? Seriously, I knew I had some awesome high school english teachers, but appearently, they were even more awesome then I knew. 

Also, the annotated Shakespeare books are great—they give notes on jokes, historical context, puns and words that are straight up made up to help people read shakespeare for the first time. I got those in 7th grade when my parents saw that I was interested in Shakespeare plays. It made me a giant shakespeare nerd, and also made me face-palm when i hear things like the above and just wonder what the teachers thought they were doing.

(via marmotsomsierost)

jerkstorecalling:

waverace64:

did-you-kno:

Source 

it also is responsible for consolidation of long term memory and ur sense of smell but yeah just get rid of ur amygdala

Lifehack: Get a fucking lobotomy

it is responsible for ALL emotions. not just fear.
Fun fact! Before we knew that, a woman who had micro seizures centered in her amygdala had one while in a public restroom and went into a berserk rage, killing another customer with a pencil (I think? maybe it was a random screwdriver?) she had in her purse, stabbing her over and over. 
She was able to avoid jail time if she had the source of her seizures removed, the court realizing that she wasn&#8217;t actually herself at the time, and it was pointless to imprison her or ask her to get therapy, and seizure drugs at the time weren&#8217;t super 100% effective. The court (and the experts at the time) thought that she&#8217;d just be unable to ever get that angry/berserk ever again.  So they removed her amygdala.
Neuroscience then got to find out just what the amygdala does: aka, lets you feel things. She is still alive, (or was, when i was back in college) and we saw an interview with her after the fact. CREEPY AS HELL.  Completely flat affect, monotone voice, no emotion at all. She knows, intellectually, that she&#8217;d have been better off going to jail, but she can&#8217;t even feel regret about it.
Not going to lie, Neuroscience is the best place to get creepy horror story ideas.

jerkstorecalling:

waverace64:

did-you-kno:

Source 

it also is responsible for consolidation of long term memory and ur sense of smell but yeah just get rid of ur amygdala

Lifehack: Get a fucking lobotomy

it is responsible for ALL emotions. not just fear.

Fun fact! Before we knew that, a woman who had micro seizures centered in her amygdala had one while in a public restroom and went into a berserk rage, killing another customer with a pencil (I think? maybe it was a random screwdriver?) she had in her purse, stabbing her over and over. 

She was able to avoid jail time if she had the source of her seizures removed, the court realizing that she wasn’t actually herself at the time, and it was pointless to imprison her or ask her to get therapy, and seizure drugs at the time weren’t super 100% effective. The court (and the experts at the time) thought that she’d just be unable to ever get that angry/berserk ever again.  So they removed her amygdala.

Neuroscience then got to find out just what the amygdala does: aka, lets you feel things. She is still alive, (or was, when i was back in college) and we saw an interview with her after the fact. CREEPY AS HELL.  Completely flat affect, monotone voice, no emotion at all. She knows, intellectually, that she’d have been better off going to jail, but she can’t even feel regret about it.

Not going to lie, Neuroscience is the best place to get creepy horror story ideas.

(via goldilocks-ate-the-three-bears)

The Portfolio of Pining in its entirety

soshhy:

image

Just to have it all in one place, here’s the full list of links to the ficlets in this series.

Summary: Bucky is a fashion photographer and pines over Steve for roughly four years. It’s all as angsty and ridiculous as it sounds.

ETA: Now with an Epilogue

This fucking fic is amazing and i don’t care. Read it for the titles alone. Yes, those are the “chapter” titles.

(via tawghasa)

Anonymous said: So, I finished reading the Demon's Lexicon trilogy last night and I am in a glass case of emotions and there is very little fanfiction I find appealing and I am annoyed at the world. Help.

sarahreesbrennan:

carnilia:

Nonny. NONNY. Let me tell you right here and now that I feel your pain. FEEL IT. I have read those books like 4 times each, and I know well the pit of despair one falls into when the realization hits that there is just no more.

BUT NICK! Your heart cries out. ALAN! Your dreams taunt. SIN! Your soul yearns. JAMIE! Your shattered innocence wails. MAE! Your mind sobs, inconsolably.

Well, NEVER FEAR, my lovely! I have come to temporarily soothe (and eternally add to) your suffering with the revelation that SRB, that cruel heartbreaker of an author, did indeed HERSELF write short stories in TDL universe!

Nick’s First Word (A Christmas Story)
Sorcerer and Stone Part 1
Sorcerer and Stone Part 2
The Arundel Tomb
Quiet In The House
Nick And Jamie Go To The Movies
The Coward With A Kiss
All The Way Back Where We Started From

Look, I am here to tell you that these stories are all A++, 10/10, would read again (I may or may not have read them all at least 3 times, and some of them like 6 times). And, look, I don’t mean to be Judgey McJudgerson, but if “Quiet In the House” doesn’t leave you with a bone-deep well of sadness and/or make you sob uncontrollably, then you are probably dead inside. (Or you are Sarah Rees Brennan herself, who is filled with a dark and terrible power that only grows stronger by the strength of our anguish and tears.) (Alternatively, you’re Nick, in which case: Hey, bae, how are you? Car good? Excellent. Any new, gorgeous blades? Tell me about what’s made you dryly amused lately.)

So, my dear anon, go forth and ruin yourself! Also, come here and talk to me about these books and characters some more. PLEASE. Tell me all about stuff you love and everything incredible in those pages because I LOVE THESE BOOKS SO MUCH SOOOO MUUUUUCH.

Aw, that is very lovely! And that list is proof that I always write wayyyyy too much, but I am so glad if people like it!

… Also, I am totes filled with a dark and terrible power. That’s canon.

Rebageling for my Pookie.

copperbadge:

So, this is the new Punk version of Dazzler. 
I kind of get what they were going for, especially since Dazzler was originally introduced to represent disco, but that happened right as punk was (thank god) killing disco. Dazzler is literally that character who is always high in demand with people who are five years behind things. Don’t get me wrong, as a character I like her, but as a presence in a narrative, she tends to get short shrift.
So I get wanting to move her into punk because in popular culture, punk was disco’s successor (punk music and fashion were actually taking place much earlier than the early 80s, but that’s when they caught the public eye). And I kind of see how they got this from punk fashion, which as an ex-punk friend of mine said was basically “whatever we could dumpster dive, we were fucking poor”. (If you want early 80s punk attitudes and politics, Hellblazer’s old 80s stuff is a great place to look, btw.)
But I have a lot of suspicion for this for a number of reasons, some of which are fashion related in terms of this was a perfect opportunity to give a female superhero some god damn pants, as well as this not really looking that punk compared to actual female punk fashion. Punk is also heavily related to anti-establishment sentiment and anti-mainstream politics, to a resistance to being coopted by the mainstream, and this is some pretty heavy coopting going on given we are not likely to get any real anarchist politics from Dazzler. We might. I could be happily surprised. I suspect mainly what we’ll get is unstructured rage. 
Mainly, however, it’s that we know Bendis asked for the costume to be “easy to cosplay” which in a sense it is, but I’m also giving it a pretty hard side-eye in terms of how sexualized it also is. Ripped skirt, one hip showing, strategic rips in the torso — this reads more “We want lots of women in this sexy outfit” than “we want women to be able to cosplay this”. 
You know what’s easy to cosplay? Ripped jeans, a band t-shirt, and a black jacket. You know what’s a little exploitative?
*points up* 
IDK, I could be wrong, but something about this rings my bells and I’ve stopped ignoring when that happens.

The worst part is that it&#8217;s&#8230;.not actually gonna be easy to cosplay that. it looks like it SHOULD be a sweater dress, aka, a knit (the drape of the fabric at the arms and the ribbed turtle neck and arm cuffs) but you can&#8217;t put holes in a knit like that without it just unraveling. You MIGHT be able to do it in jersey, but you are going to have to sew it yourself, AND find thick enough jersey to mimic the drape of a knit, THEN serge all the damn edges of the dress so the rips don&#8217;t curl in and rip further.
You COULD also knit the sweater yourself and put all the rips in it, but i wouldn&#8217;t call that easy especially since modifying a knitting pattern to KNIT HOLES into the dress is slightly more complex then modding a sewing pattern.

copperbadge:

So, this is the new Punk version of Dazzler. 

I kind of get what they were going for, especially since Dazzler was originally introduced to represent disco, but that happened right as punk was (thank god) killing disco. Dazzler is literally that character who is always high in demand with people who are five years behind things. Don’t get me wrong, as a character I like her, but as a presence in a narrative, she tends to get short shrift.

So I get wanting to move her into punk because in popular culture, punk was disco’s successor (punk music and fashion were actually taking place much earlier than the early 80s, but that’s when they caught the public eye). And I kind of see how they got this from punk fashion, which as an ex-punk friend of mine said was basically “whatever we could dumpster dive, we were fucking poor”. (If you want early 80s punk attitudes and politics, Hellblazer’s old 80s stuff is a great place to look, btw.)

But I have a lot of suspicion for this for a number of reasons, some of which are fashion related in terms of this was a perfect opportunity to give a female superhero some god damn pants, as well as this not really looking that punk compared to actual female punk fashion. Punk is also heavily related to anti-establishment sentiment and anti-mainstream politics, to a resistance to being coopted by the mainstream, and this is some pretty heavy coopting going on given we are not likely to get any real anarchist politics from Dazzler. We might. I could be happily surprised. I suspect mainly what we’ll get is unstructured rage. 

Mainly, however, it’s that we know Bendis asked for the costume to be “easy to cosplay” which in a sense it is, but I’m also giving it a pretty hard side-eye in terms of how sexualized it also is. Ripped skirt, one hip showing, strategic rips in the torso — this reads more “We want lots of women in this sexy outfit” than “we want women to be able to cosplay this”. 

You know what’s easy to cosplay? Ripped jeans, a band t-shirt, and a black jacket. You know what’s a little exploitative?

*points up* 

IDK, I could be wrong, but something about this rings my bells and I’ve stopped ignoring when that happens.

The worst part is that it’s….not actually gonna be easy to cosplay that. it looks like it SHOULD be a sweater dress, aka, a knit (the drape of the fabric at the arms and the ribbed turtle neck and arm cuffs) but you can’t put holes in a knit like that without it just unraveling. You MIGHT be able to do it in jersey, but you are going to have to sew it yourself, AND find thick enough jersey to mimic the drape of a knit, THEN serge all the damn edges of the dress so the rips don’t curl in and rip further.

You COULD also knit the sweater yourself and put all the rips in it, but i wouldn’t call that easy especially since modifying a knitting pattern to KNIT HOLES into the dress is slightly more complex then modding a sewing pattern.